Sunday, 3 February 2013

Eek....a slip?

So, Dear Reader.... I have a confession.....*takes a deep breath*  I kind of had a slip in my 365 day challenge of not buying anything new.

 I say 'kind of' because I feel like what happened could be borderline in terms of my self imposed rules.

It was Thursday, and I was on my way to Sunny Croydon for my consultancy job that I am doing at the moment for a lovely charity.  Except that it was not sunny..... and when I arrived at the station it was tipping it down with rain.   Now, I am one of those people who very rarely has an umbrella as a) I go nearly everywhere by car (you can judge, I don't mind) b)when I do own one, I pretty much always leave it on the tube- I think in total over the 12 years I have lived in London I must have lost 48 umbrellas, at least.  

Anyway, as I stood in the station, peering into the torrential down pour and lamenting the last lost umbrella on the district line 2 months ago, imagine my delight when I spied Timpson's display of reasonably priced umbrellas.  It was a complete lightbulb moment- I thought "hurrah! I don't have to get wet, I can just buy one, simples!"  And, I engaged in a lovely conversation with the nice man in the shop, a few other customers and then I JUST BOUGHT ONE.

There was a bit of me that felt I shouldn't have been buying the brolly on some level, as I handed over my money, but I put that down to the residual self-deprivator inside that sometimes wants me to go without even the basic self-care things of life and I felt proud that I wasn't listening to that voice and doing something nice for myself.   

It was only as I entered the office building that I remembered my challenge...... and I felt very annoyed.

I discussed the purchase with H and there are several ways I could justify the purchase under my current rules:

1) I bought it for work (only stands true if I don't use the brolly during non-work activities)
2) I couldn't buy a decent second hand umbrella as they do lose their structural integrity as you use them and rust etc.

But both these justifications feel a bit borderline.  The truth is that I was not prepared and I slipped into unconscious spending which is what I was trying to avoid with this challenge.  Had I been prepared, I probably could have found a recycled umbrella or a decent second hand one.  I was caught out and off-guard.

However, I do feel the self care argument is one that I haven't explored during this challenge.  What if I hadn't bought the brolly and just walked to work and got completely soaked?  This is not the sort of extent of discomfort that I am comfortable with inflicting on myself during this challenge. I have worked too much on my self-esteem to do that to myself.

So, Dear Reader, I would like to add an additional exception to my Rules, which is that purchases of new things will be allowed, in an emergency and if, without such item I would compromise the value I place on myself.  I am not saying that I am going to start saying I "need" that lovely owl shirt I saw in TK Max's window yesterday (sob!) but I am not prepared to not take care of myself, in the moment for the sake of this challenge.  So there.  It is a lesson in getting more prepared though.

There we have it, Dear Reader, a slip in an otherwise faultless month... I hope you are not too disappointed in me.  I am probably disappointed enough for the both of us but I am not going to give up- onwards and upwards.....

Lots of lovely posts coming up next week on successes on the challenge front.  The sooner we get over Umbrellagate, the better.

Love Alice x

1 comment:

  1. Alice - I think an umbrella of all things (especially when caught in a downpour on your way to a work thing) is an acceptable "new" purchase. Don't beat yourself up over it. Can't wait to catch up soon and hear about EVERYTHING. Daisy x